coming to my senses

America rewards multitasking. I remember when multitasking at work became a skill to be proud of. How many jobs have I had that spoke of how "fast-paced" the work environment was going to be? Being pulled in many different directions at the same time is somehow a normal workplace demand. Did my mind adapt to these demands over time? Or does society simply reward the person who's already conditioned to do this? Even at home, it feels like we're supposed to cram more and more activities into the same 24 hours. Many of us are good at multitasking, but is it good for us? Is it good for me? Are we better off by having our attention cleaved into such small fractions? Are we living a full life or many slivers of one?

We all have notifications and chores and loved ones (online and not) who vie for our attention. How do we do it all without doing it all at once? I tackle neglected laundry during a zoom webinar. Netflix and Amazon make "second-screen" movies for an attention-sapped world. We put these films on while we scroll social media on our phones. As Will Tavlin in n+1 writes, these films are, "designed to be played but not watched". At first, this information soothed me. If filmmakers weren't going to create art for full immersion, why should I give it 100% of my time?

But these days multitasking is taking on a sinister, if not desperate, tone. The world around us encourages disconnection; constant dread rewards a scattered focus. Doomscrolling the news while watching it on TV blunts the impact of both. Half-ignoring my phone while I half-ignore the TV must be doing something to my brain. Where is the rest of my attention going? What can I do about it? In the spirit of an experiment, here are some things I'm trying out.

Concentrate on one thing. When I do something, I will give it my full attention. No looking at my phone while I walk—Seattle's uneven sidewalks make this dangerous anyway. No thinking about my to-do list while I shower. No responding to emails while I'm at the gym.

Change activities. If something isn't holding my attention, I'll do something else. There's a reality TV show I can only watch if I'm also scrolling the news or playing a mobile game. I can either suffer through it, attention undivided, or find something I enjoy doing more.

Come to my senses. Some things I have to do even when I'm feeling restless. In those events, I'll practice redirecting my thoughts to that task. What am I feeling in that moment? What are my senses telling me? Can I clear my mind while I watch a movie? Can I resist the impulse to check my phone at dinner? In quite moments can I search for my heartbeat or feel the subtle movements of my body?

in the present

I'm suspicious by default of anything I feel forced to do. At one time, multitasking felt like the only way to get ahead. But I think we're long past the days of walking while chewing bubble gum. When the present moment sucks so bad, it's rebellious to choose not to disconnect from it. I hope that I'll be successful trying to chip away at my addiction to doing everything at once. I'm going to try locking eyes and holding hands with the present. I hope it rewards me with a different future.