by 
It’s only been 10 days since perhaps the last presidential election of my life. Kidding! Oof, it’s been a rough one. Lots of people are still reeling from last week’s news while the drum of daily bad news begins to spin up again. Like the last time that guy won, I’m seeing an increase in calls for self-care: “Take care of yourself.” “Be sure to rest.” “Take the time you need.” Permission to care for one’s self is once again blanketing social media, newsletters, and podcasts.
What comes to mind when those calls reach you? What do people usually do for self-care? Here I’ll acknowledge that society often links the concept of “self-care” to femininity. Disengagement, sinking into a video game or opting out of hard conversations, are more often masculine coping strategies. These, plus other methods like finding endless distractions, can all cause harm in their own ways. It’s a problem that we all should explore, no matter our gender. I’ve tried to include masculine or gender-neutral examples of self-care in my examples.
I’m no stranger to a piping hot bubble bath, reality TV, or even sighing about the world with a friend at happy hour. Those activities can be lovely and very much needed in the days and years ahead. But how much care are we showing ourselves when we do them? How effective can self-care be, especially against the global crises we face? I believe the push for self-care helps drive us further away from the solutions we need. Here’s why.
self care bad
It’s the capitalism. Self-care is expensive! Of course I enjoy every time I buy myself a little treat. But travel, fancy electronics, and clothes hauls all cost money. Most of those are cheap enough that we can get them fairly often. But they may rely on the exploitation of others to produce. Self-care products also bring companies more than a TRILLION dollars. I wrote “millions” there before I looked it up; wow!
Kelly Main writes, “The self-care industry has sold us the idea that self-care is anything that brings us joy. And if it makes us happy, then it’s worth whatever price we pay for it–whether with our time or money. It’s cunning marketing the self-care industry uses to drive millions to spend.” Many of these companies reinvest our dollars into politicians and groups that make our lives hell. Those new disasters prompt new rounds of self-care, and the whole thing repeats!
Self-care doesn’t last a long time. Look, I love a men’s spa day at home. The effect I get from an afternoon of pampering may last a few hours or even a day before it starts to wear off. And when it does? I’m in the same world I was before. It’s possible that that moment of pause gave me the clarity of mind I needed to save the world. But is that what’s really happening?
I know that for myself, the more bleak things get outside the more I want to get away. Many of us even have the privilege of accessing that escape as often as we want. Not everyone wants or can afford to do so. Instant gratification is much easier to get than lasting world change. But it’s heartbreaking to see people disconnect so often as the world around us gets worse.
This is not the time for retreat. Building on the capitalism example earlier, lots of self-care is individual. Sometimes it’s a small group of people decompressing. But I wonder if self-care is another form of dissociating. Self-care often sells as a way to relax or unplug from reality for a while. I don’t need to be solving world problems whenever I spend time in the gym. But in turn, I don’t need to justify that time as “recharging myself for the next big fight.” Self-care may be a way to retreat when what we need is to engage.
Everyone fighting for themselves is a recipe for loneliness. Some aspects of society are so hard because family units can’t rely on anyone else for help. People who can afford to often outsource their needs to paid or unpaid laborers. That kind of care often goes unreciprocated. It’s not likely to create the deep relationships we see within strong communities. Instead of always turning to self-care, I’d like to see more people consider community care. Here’s why.
community care good
We will have to rely on each other more. There’s no real debate about this. We’re not getting fully automated luxury queer space communism by 2030 (I dare you to prove me wrong). In the future ahead, we won’t be able to rely on governments or even charities to meet our needs forever. We’ll need something that’s flexible and much more durable.
We all need places where we can radicalize each other. I’m tired of millionaire political consultants scolding me to fall in line. The systems we’ve known our whole lives are falling apart if they’re not being torn apart. The way most of us see the world is too limiting. We need to spend more time in places that are dreaming of ways out for everyone.
No one is immune to community care. Whatever actions we take for community care must include us, too. Most charitable activities orient themselves towards doing things for the “less fortunate.” They rely on the promise that we share our good fortune because we’ll never need it. That mentality won’t get us out of the many pits we find ourselves in. They won’t lead to our liberation. Instead, support mutual aid and other efforts where community members help each other.
what community care is not
Most of what most of us are doing probably isn’t community care. Big caveat here of course because I don’t know your life. If they’re meaningful to you, by all means, continue doing them. But we won’t get anywhere new by staying exactly where we are now. Consider what it means to care for your community. What does care look like to the people living in your city, neighborhood, or town? Here are a few ideas that might not fit.
Book clubs and social events. Learn on your own time! If these activities build up your community, build it. Gather your friends and loved ones. Extend the solidarity you feel towards the people and communities around you.
One-sided charity. I’m including little free food pantries and donations to non-profits. We don’t need anonymous donors. Get to know and talk to people face-to-face.
Unchecked power dynamics. The privilege that each of carries can be an advantage or a liability depending on the space. Be aware of the power you have. Care for communities alongside your equals, no matter their walk of life.
the care we give
The problems we face are so intractable and so… everywhere. I understand the desire to rest or do something else. But an investments of your time and energy will have a much more lasting impact.
I’m setting some goals for myself as this year draws to a close. I hope you can adopt ones like these. Starting now, I commit to:
- doing something new
- doing something more radical
- doing something where I feel in solidarity with other community members
Seek out groups that are community-based and not led by outsiders. Seek out groups with fiscal sponsors or even no tax structure. Find a place where you belong. I promise that it will feel better than what we have now.
josh
my name is josh martinez. i have always loved trying to understand systems, and the systems that built those systems. i spend a lot of time thinking about how to get there from here.
i'm the founder and principal consultant at Future Emergent.
say hello: josh[at]bethefuture.space
